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When Life Feels Heavy

Writer's picture: Leslie MerrellLeslie Merrell

Updated: Oct 21, 2024

My mother had a heart attack on the same day that a dear friend died tragically and unexpectedly in a hiking accident, leaving behind a young husband and 5 kids. This awful day came at a time when we had gone months without a paycheck and while my husband’s health was deteriorating due to the constant pain he was in as we waited for his spinal surgery date to arrive.


There’s no shortage to the difficulties you or I have faced, are currently facing, or will face in life. Richard Scott put it this way, “challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.”


You may feel, as I did at that time, crushed under the weight of problems, heartache, challenges and/or responsibilities. Whether you’re dealing with loss, health challenges, financial issues, or other stress, it’s normal to feel exhausted and weighed down by it all. You’re not alone.


building emotional resilience

So, what can we do when life feels heavy? Here are some things that I have found helpful. Perhaps something here will help you too.


Share the weight. When everything feels like too much, sometimes the best first step is simply to let someone else help carry the burden. Connect with a trusted friend. Speak your pain out loud. Give your heartache or overwhelm the value of your words. I’m not talking about making a vague post to social media. I’m talking about real, raw, one on one, human connection. Most problems won’t be solved just by expressing them to someone who truly cares, but most problems will feel lighter. I confess I do not know the physics behind this, but I promise you, the weight of heavy emotional pain is lessened by sharing with someone who has earned the right to hear your story.



If you don’t feel like you have someone you can really open up to about what is weighing you down, then find a life coach, a therapist, or a hotline.


Weigh the facts. The reality you are facing is heavy enough. Don’t add to that weight with unnecessary painful stories. It can sometimes be hard to identify what our unnecessary painful stories are, because we tend to think of them as facts. To figure out what weight you can put down now, you must separate the facts from your story about the facts.


For example, my husband had a herniated c6-c7 disc. For months he barely slept. He was losing muscle strength in his left arm. His blood pressure was 150/90. These were the facts, and they were heavy enough. (Interestingly, I found it hard to write just the facts without adding any adjectives, adverbs, embellishment, or exaggeration, i.e., “horribly herniated,” “rapidly losing muscle strength”, “blood pressure was through the roof”.)



Facts are boring. They are just information. They cannot make us feel anything – not happy, not devastated, not overwhelmed, not resentful, not betrayed, not abandoned, etc.


Own the weight you choose. It is important and empowering to remember that our feelings come from the meaning we give to the facts, or our stories about the facts. So, why don’t we just always choose happy stories? We could. It’s an option. But, personally, I don’t want to feel happy about my husband’s suffering, or my mom’s heart attack, or my friend’s death, or about not getting a paycheck. Happy is just one of the myriad of emotions that make up the human experience. It happens to be a personal favorite, but it is not appropriate for all situations.


The truth is, I want to feel sad about my husband’s suffering. I want to feel compassion for him and his situation. Those emotions have weight that I want to carry.



But, if I make the facts mean that his suffering is evidence that I am somehow failing him, I add the unnecessary weight of guilt and shame. If I make those facts mean that he’s going to become disabled or die, then I add the unnecessary weight of fear.


Set down all of the weight that you can. Learn to question your story, and ground yourself in the present. What is true right now? Are you carrying unnecessary borrowed weight of possible future negative outcomes? Are you carrying unnecessary borrowed weight of preferred alternate realities (i.e., “this shouldn’t be happening” “that should have turned out differently”)? Are you carrying unnecessary borrowed weight of other’s opinions and judgments? What weight can you put down?



Specific strategies for some weighty emotions.

  • When carrying the weight of anxiety, focus on your 5 senses - what do you see? Touch? Hear? Smell? Taste?

  • When carrying the weight of uncertainty, focus on what remains true no matter what.

  • When carrying the weight of overwhelm, list specifically everything contributing to your overwhelm. Evaluate and prioritize your list. Then just focus on the next item.

  • When carrying the weight of fear, ground yourself in the moment.

  • When carrying the weight of shame, remember that you are not your mistakes.

  • When carrying the weight of resentment, acknowledge the choice you are making, and decide if you still like your reasons. If not, make a different choice.


Life’s burdens can feel overwhelming, and it’s okay to acknowledge the weight you’re carrying. But remember, you don’t have to carry it all alone, and not every piece of it is yours to hold. By sharing your struggles with someone you trust, weighing the facts as they are, and choosing which emotional weights are truly worth carrying, you can lighten your load. It’s not about denying your pain or pretending to be happy when things are hard; it’s about finding balance and strength in the midst of it all. Be gentle with yourself. Set down what you can, and trust that even in the heaviest moments, you are resilient enough to move forward, one step at a time.


You've got this. And we are here for you.

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