A few years ago I was listening to Brene Brown's audiobook: Atlas of the Heart. She introduced this concept of freudenfreude. It's a German word, so it's ok if you can't pronounce it. It basically means, taking pleasure in other's success and joy in their wellbeing.
The opposite is shadenfreude - taking pleasure in other's discomfort, suffering or failure.
Have you ever watched those "back to school" videos or those dream vacation videos posted on Instagram or Tik Tok and just wanted to shadenfreude all over their perfect little morning routine and outfits and cute hairstyles. Is that even real?
When we feel those emotions of comparison, resentment, and jealousy over someone else's seeming success -it can be hard to harness a generous heart and practice loving kindness.
I overhead a conversation once where a woman was explaining how happy she was to celebrate the success of others. Man, woman, child, pet- it didn't matter to her - she was there for the win in the moment. I could hear it in her voice and feel the authenticity of it. She loved to celebrate other people's success.
Do you know someone like this? Do you want to become someone like this?
Mindfulness can help.
Here are 3 ways mindfulness can help shift us out of the icky feeling of shadenfreude into the more expansive feeling of freudenfreude:
Practice in your mind
Using a familiar image, like a tree or a flower, imagine what happens to this tree
or flower when it's surrounded with the energy of resentment or jealousy. How
does the tree or flower change in that space. Now run the opposite scenario - surround the tree with that sensation of abundance and celebration of effort. How does the tree or flower change in that environment?
When we privately become familiar with the sensations that we want to cultivate it is easier to recognize when we are moving towards them in real time.
Practice stopping
When we sense ourselves moving away from that sensation of abundance and joy, we can mindfully observe our thinking. What thoughts or "internal knots" are behind our thinking? Perhaps there will be more pain and hurt than we had realized. Perhaps there will be anger. Perhaps we can also sense the feeling of constriction in our body or heart as we move away from the person we want to be. Whatever "internal knot" begins to surface, just breathe with it.
When we become aware that our thinking is sliding downhill, regardless of how much time has gone by- Stop. Just turn your attention to your breath. Thank your body and your mind for cuing you into higher awareness and before trying to adjust anything. Just breathe. Release the tightness of jealousy, loosen the constriction of judgment and just breathe.
Practice moving towards something honest?
If we are no longer sliding down this slippery hill of shadenfreude, then we can begin, to observe if there is something we can lean towards in this situation. Is there something here to celebrate? Something here to connect to? Can we release ourselves from the burden of "holding court", deciding who is worthy of praise and who needs correction?
When we invite the pause, release the negative heaviness, and lean into the win, we often feel more spacious, liberated, and genuine.
Give it a try. Send someone a "hey you're amazing" text today and let them know you are impressed with what they are doing and who they are as a person!
Love and light and Freudenfreude to all!
Juli Larsen
Certified Mindfulness Facilitator
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